Savannah Terror

Dear Nii Kpakpo,

Your cousin has gone to Accra and I woke up in our bed with a start. Usually on Saturday mornings like this I will go for aerobics at the old savannah stadium or the jubilation park and then off to play basketball with the guys. Then after the basketball we replace all the lost calories by eating some banku or kenkey en masse.

In such situations I thank God that most of these boys are Muslim so there is not the usual alcoholic drunkenness I get when I am with the Retrofit fellas on Legon campus. Oh yeah you know those boys. They come to play soccer with a crate of Guinness in their car trunks or bottles of whiskey under the seat.

So when I woke up with a start and realized your cousin was not at my side and that God given curse was up like it remembered my professor was dead and we had to hang a half mast on it. I needed a quick shower to cool off.

Kpakpo, that thought alone made me laugh so hard that I heard the window of my neighbor next door snap open. Here I find myself in the savannah and I can take showers. Remember that house warming we went to in that plush area in Hustle City about twelve years ago? You know government water has never run through his taps all this while.

And here look at me; I take showers morning and evening. Even in my own house in Hustle City I get water only on Saturdays and thankfully we have all learnt the system of buying those hippopotamus tanks to store water.

And I hear they are increasing the utility tariffs too. Oh I laughed the more as all this run through my mind.

Kpakpo, don’t know why but this morning I’m feeling so much for jollof but just stepped out and I went to get waakye instead. It reminded me of my friends Nana Damoah the writer and the smart Teaching Assistant Kofi Yankey and all those Party Crew boys who glorify waakye and think it should be made a national delicacy.

I think they should relocate to the savannah and be spoiled for choice like me. Everywhere you turn in every corner there is a waakye joint. I think there are as many waakye joints as there are drinking bars in Cape Coast if not more.

It is on the strength of this waakye that I write you this letter because you know our people have a saying that ‘min chi moh ak3 kpaa gbey’ to wit (it is the strength in your body you use to blow a trumpet).

I passed by the ‘borla’ first on my way to get the waakye and there was this little boy scavenging through the big bucket and I wondered what he was looking for. I stood there waiting to see if he was looking for the same things Hustle City boys living in places like Agbogbloshie look out for as in bottles and iron scraps they can sell to make some money.

This boy came out of the bucket with books. Yes Kpakpo! Books! No bottles, no scrap, nothing.

Just books!

I had tears in my eyes. He had been scavenging for books that people had thrown away so he could read them. Here in the savannah this is an encouraging sight and we need to push our policy makers to do more. I have to write to our intellectual friend’s mother, that smart iron willed woman who shut up our presidential candidates at the debate.

Or maybe I will just start a drive to raise funds to buy books for young boys like this with the desire to study.

There are so many activities to do outside the savannah but Kpakpo I have been traveling to various cities not only Hustle City almost every weekend since I ‘tubaed’ and I have decided to stay put for a while.

Barcamp Kumasi is on and some of our crazy friends will be there (and the girls too *wink wink) but I have resisted the temptation even when a friend will drive me over and maybe bring me back.

I would have loved to see TT my brother and his family too but will hold on to that for now.

Kpakpo eiiii!!

What is this I hear about the long nose and wheezy hat wearing old lady’s country folk talking about reports that our motherland stands to be next in line with those gun totting long robe wearing shabba people’s reprisal attacks? Here in the savannah we don’t hear much and mind you I don’t listen to the radio.

Then on Mark Z’s platform I see an outcry about an official saying that our motherland is prepared for such attacks. Kpakpo, now I understand why I woke up in such a good mood. The daily comic relief in this land is too much. No wonder your co-idiot with a face is now very popular even though he is just being himself.

In a land where we have to give the policeman at the station pen to write the reports when we have a complaint, we have to give them ‘blood of Jesus’ to buy torchlight batteries for their checkpoints or even koko in the morning.

If Osama was as smart as we all thought he was, he should have come live in Ghana. We are so peaceful we will not even notice the Muslim cleric and scholar on the next street.

If he chose to live in any of our numerous zongos, his anonymity would have been complete.

We will just do kokonsa about him.

This official must be a joker.

Our national security people have been known to be more interested in the distribution of ‘pure water’ in this country. Water security they said. Kpakpo! I can’t get angry when I’m laughing out so loudly.

Oh Charley Kpakpo! My sports skills have been noted in the savannah oh. And they also noticed that I have a blog too so definitely they think I have some writing skills (if only they knew). So some organization wants me to put these two skills together and help them manage a soccer team and then share profits if I can get them sponsorship.

Let me ask you, are you interested? With the way soccer is fast becoming an amalgamating sport in this new world any of our boys could be the Ronaldinhos of tomorrow oh. More money! At least we could hope to sell some players to that Gunner manager who buys them cheap and sells them high so maybe he can win some trophies.

Well I have to go to the sports field and I will tell you all about it when I get back.

Oh happy day!

It is still me,

Your dysfunctional minded cousin in law

Savannah Boy.


5 thoughts on “Savannah Terror

  1. Greats mind at work, makes reading soo interesting nd fun.
    Keep up up man but r u dat serious wit raising fund to helping de young boy?

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