The Kumase More

Dear Nii Kpakpo,

so having seen the plenty videos that flooded social media on the new kumasi city mall and its grand opening, this savanna boy decided to go see it for myself. eish! you thought i would lose guard and be in kumasi and not even try to see it. forget it!

the opportunity presented itself when i had to go help my brother in arms and solidarity, the headmaster extra ho, the letter head, the heading, Comedian Aglah organize his Pure Comedy 5 show in the garden city. this was the fifth edition and we wanted to make it big. the videos on social media came at the right time too because now the garden city had a mall and its denizens didnt have to come to accra to be in a ‘coded location’ at \west hills more’ with their 207 in the car park.

the accra kumasi more has been born!

there were several videos and i realize that some were intentionally staged like the one with the woman selling who receives a call that somebody wants to buy some of the stuff she is carrying on her head and the person is inside the mall and she was shouting over the noise in the mall whilst she was secretly recorded.

the most hilarious videos were the ones in relation to the escalator and how people just stood by to look at other people use the escalator and the funny clip about an older woman using the one going down whilst she tried so hard to go up and finally commenting to somebody off camera that ‘adi3 nu enkor oh‘ to wit the thing is not moving .

anyemi truth be told these videos gave me some wild ideas as to how best we could have a good laugh about various people in this country, imagine if a voltarian got on the escalator with his cat and the cat jumped out of his hands and he was trying to retrieve it.

furtthermore, imagine too if a man in a smock got on the escalator and he fell down and almost got hurt but wouldn’t and started cursing in any one of the northern languages. if either of these went viral you can imagine the insinuations and the laughter that will cause.

with all these in mind and laughing my head off i had to go see what the euphoria was all about for myself. so armed with me social media applications on my small phone i took a troski and headed out to see the mall. first impression was a wonderful edifice like all the shopping malls in Accra layout was the same with Kumasi City Mall boldly emblazoned on the side.

kpakpo the first few people i met gave a me good laugh. these were the teenagers of the ‘coded location’ fame now having their own mall and it pretty much looked like everyone wanted to be associated with going to the mall and needed souvenirs that they had been there so you realize that each person carried an item or souvenir from a shop in the mall, usually Shoprite, and these were mostly very small items that were affordable. i saw some toothpastes, brushes and some usually bought food from the shops and at least i was impressed that they had bought something and they were not the usual revelers and window shoppers although that is the reason they had gone there.

Nii Kpakpo Thompson, the ‘Kumase More’ was crowded. mostly teenagers walking in groups and just stopping anywhere that caught their fancy to take pictures. after all they have been there some. the euphoria was in the air and the dress code was on point. the impacts of the music videos these young folk watch was evident in their dress code and i honestly wont be surprised if a few of them actually came to the mall after watching videos on how to dress to the mall. tight pants and tee shirts with sneakers were very prevalent as to the poses these teenagers took for the photos to be taken. I saw several poses including the fork all pose and it was pretty obvious that these youth were thinking for the moment and not for the future. I know some of these photos will one day come to haunt them because of their posture in these photos. 

Nii Kpakpo, there was I live band playing and this dude had sung for over two hours and inasmuch as he belted out good songs people only listened. And then a young gal approached him and asked if she could sing a song. Dude handed over the microphone and the gal requested the band to play a popular tune to which she added her own ad libs. Within minutes people started gathering curious as to who was singing like that and they were rewarded because the young gal sang the song with feeling and was doing some dancing behind the microphone that got everybody’s attention riveted on her. Her stage craft was awesome. 

Chale anyεmi what I’m going to tell you now is highly confidential and don’t let the ash town folk had that I told you. I went into The Game shop to have a look at shop set up and patronage for myself and it was a pretty interesting experience. Firstly my travel bag wasn’t taken from me and I had to carry it inside. I’d actually hoped that they will tag it so I could leave it with them at the bag bay and go pick it up when I was ready to leave. But alas trick no work. 

So here is me logging my bag around like the tourist that I am and I first go to see the balls. Before I get to the balls session I notice people standing all over by the stands taking photos, even with the shop attendants in uniform at least to proud that they had also come to the mall. I get to the balls aisle and I walk to the basketball, soccer ball and volleyballs. I pick a basketball with my grip, the flex style to show I have big palms, and I bounced the ball on the tiled floor.  one attendant comes to me kinda furious and admonishes me for doing that and bouncing the balls is not allowed. I ask who gave the directive and they said the manager and I just keep bouncing and ask for the manager. Attendant then says it’s OK but I insisted really meaning to ask the manager if the ball is supposed to played in the air. Since he said it’s OK and wont call me the manager I resort to do the same timing with soccer and volleyballs on the shelf. They just left me to it.. 

Kpakpo now to the confidential bit. Amidst all this photo taking and posturing in the shop I walked past a couplets guys who upon first look appeared to be buying and stocking up a cart with drinks for a party. It is what I overhead them asking the attendant that got my head so up from typing on my phone to listen to them and be sure of what I heard. I thought I hadn’t heard right so when I got home I asked my host, the headmaster,  and he affirmed that it wap true that when he first heard it himself inside Melcom he was shocked. 

Apparently the boys had called the shop attendant over to ask a question and then when she got closer they asked her “please if we buy more boxes of Voltic water is it possible to get a discount on it?”

Kpakpo your people have brought their things into the Kumase more. They were asking for a discount on items they were buying there like you’ll buy in the market outside. I almost went over to tell them that in a mall supermarket like Game, that only happens when they’re doing promo bargains. But then who is this savannah boy to go poke my nose in their matter before they “summa” me before some court. Lemme just walk in peace. As I’ve told you please keep it between us oh.. 

The things I saw at the more just stands to prove that now we have an European styled mall in the garden city people will turn it into a tourist center and not worry about traveling all the way to Accra just to see a huge market in a room. But I’m sure very soon the euphoria of the opening will die down especially when the teenagers go back to school after the Easter holidays. For now let’s just enjoy the moments. 

Kpakpo, I’m also predicting that very soon social media wont be able to contain the viral videos and photos that will swarm our social media sites about actions and events at the kumase more. You keep my stone and I’ll collect it later. 

Well we need Uber in ash town too because I noticed to go anywhere one gap to pick about 3 different cars heading to three different destinations just to get to a place which would’ve been easy if driving.  Theism system also needs to be improved but swamps don’t make it easy. Well let’s see what the metro assembly can do about that. It makes movement difficult and I rather was bored staying indoors the whole time. 

Nii Kpakpo I think I better end here and we’ll watch and wait for the viral videos and photos from the “More” and will try not to make a mockery of our fellows from the middle belt. I guess I have no right to laugh because I don’t have a dagban more and maybe my people will do worse. 

Anyεmi until I write to you again, I still remain 

Your Cousin In Law, 

Savannah Boy